


hand in unlovable hand

by marsandhispride



Series: high school au [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Brotherly Angst, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Other, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:54:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25579168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsandhispride/pseuds/marsandhispride
Summary: At the age of 12, Roman found himself helping his brother sneak out of the house. This wasn’t something new, Roman was always willing to give a helping hand to Remus, even if it lands them in trouble. He admits it’s fun and when they don’t get caught a sense of pride fills him. They’d been partners in crime since they were old enough to walk and Roman didn’t plan on stopping their mayhem any time soon.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Series: high school au [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1841821
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	hand in unlovable hand

**Author's Note:**

> hello ! a warning, the child abuse is physical and emotional, i tried not to go into too much detail but just enough to understand what they went through

At the age of 12, Roman found himself helping his brother sneak out of the house. This wasn’t something new, Roman was always willing to give a helping hand to Remus, even if it lands them in trouble. He admits it’s fun and when they don’t get caught a sense of pride fills him. They’d been partners in crime since they were old enough to walk and Roman didn’t plan on stopping their mayhem any time soon. 

“Get me a Monster.” Roman says in a hushed tone and Remus rolls his eyes. 

“Logan would tell you if you keep drinking those you’ll have heart problems by the age of 25.” 

“Well it’s a good thing book nerd isn’t here than huh?” Roman said and placed the screen back on the window. “Be safe.”. Remus gave him a thumbs up and turned, walking to the nearby 7/11. Roman walked over to his bed, wrapped himself in his blanket, and sat on the floor. Late night trips to 7/11 was a common occurrence; Remus went to get snacks and drinks while Roman stayed home on the off chance their parents checked in on them. Remus started to go once they’d turned 12, to their parents that was old enough for them to start getting an allowance, and Remus would spend all his money on gas station junk food. Roman started to give him some money too, usually for a Monster, sometimes a Yoohoo if he was feeling less edgy. Remus always came back with a slushie (often just a mix of all of the flavors they had), candy bars, and an unholy amount of chips. Remus kept all of it in a drawer he designated as his ‘food drawer’, which Roman found disgusting as the candy often melted and the chips got crushed but to each his own. 

The door to their room opened and Roman’s head snapped over to see his dad standing in the door frame. He quickly scrambled off the floor, tripping a little over the blanket but catching himself before he could actually fall. 

“What on Earth are you doing awake?” He asked, quickly followed by, “Where is your brother?” in a tone of worry and anger. 

“He, uh, went out.” Roman mumbled. 

“At midnight?” 

“Yes.” Roman said, shrinking in on himself. 

“Where the hell is he?”

“He should be back soon.” 

“That does not answer my question, Roman.” His voice boomed and Roman flinched. 

“Oh fuck.” Roman heard the familiar voice of his brother. He and his father turned towards the window and there stood Remus, arms full of snacks, a slushie in one hand and a Monster in the other. Roman walked over and took off the screen, helping Remus climb back in through the window. He quickly set everything down on his bed and they turned towards their dad. 

“And just how long has this been going on?” He asked. 

“A few months.” Remus responded, kicking the ground. 

“And you were in on this?” The question was directed at Roman. 

“Yeah.” 

“You both are grounded.” The two boys looked up at their father. 

“Why?” Roman’s voice was louder than it needed to be. 

“Because you both knew you shouldn’t have been doing this and have been hiding it for months, you’re lucky I’m not taking away your allowances.” 

“What’s so wrong about what he was doing?” Roman asked. 

“I was just going to the 7/11.” Remus added. 

“Something could have happened!” 

“But nothing has happened!” Remus argued. Their father took a step closer. 

“Don’t talk back to me.” He warned. In a rush of confidence Roman spoke up. 

“It’s not fair!” His father responded by connecting the back of his hand with Roman’s face. Roman stumbled back and lowered his gaze to the floor, tears pricking the back of his eyes. Remus walked over to him and wrapped an arm around him. 

“You won’t talk back to me, now go to bed.” Their dad turned and shut the door. Roman buried his face in Remus’s shoulder and cried, Remus rubbed his back. 

After that night, Roman didn’t help Remus with his scheming. Instead, he followed the rules their dad made and tried his best to become the perfect child. Every time he stepped out of line his dad reminded him why he needed to be good. Every time it hurt and he would go to Remus to cry. Remus had done the complete opposite, the perfect example of a problem child. He talked back and continued to sneak around. Each time his dad tried to beat into him the same he had done to Roman, but Remus was determined and spiteful. Roman always went to Remus after hearing an argument and did his best to cheer him up. Roman tried to stay close, but it started to get harder. Eventually, Remus switched into the room next door and it felt like he had put a divide between them, a clear message to Roman that he didn’t need him.

“You need to stop this, Remus.” Roman heard his dad as he walked out into the living room. Remus and him stood in the middle of it, arguing. Nothing new. Roman stood in the walkway, curiosity getting to him.

“I’m not even doing anything bad.” Remus argued back. What they were talking about, Roman had no idea. He saw his dad look over at him and then put his focus back on Remus. 

“Why can’t you be more like Roman?” He practically pleaded. Roman tensed. 

“Sorry I can’t be perfect!” Remus said and raised his arms, only for them to rest back at his sides. “I’m not going to change just because you aren’t enough of a father to do more than hit your kids when they’ve done something wrong.” Roman flinched as his dad pushed Remus to the ground. 

“You will not talk to me that way.” He yelled, towering over him. 

“Look how strong you are,” Remus stood up, “Congrats you can beat up your 13 year old son, aren’t you a macho man.” Remus turned and walked towards Roman. 

“Get back here, ni ño.” His father said but didn’t attempt to walk towards them. 

“You’re not gonna do anything?” Remus asked Roman. Roman stayed silent, his gaze wandering to the floor. “Remember when you used to stand up for me? Some fucking brother you are.” Remus said and pushed Roman out of the way with his shoulder. Roman stumbled a little and leaned against the archway. His dad made his way over. 

“You’re just gonna let him treat you that way?”

Roman nodded. 

“Your brother may be a pain in the ass but at least he has the balls to stand up for himself; you could learn something from him, Roman.” His dad shoved past him, probably to continue his argument with Remus. Roman stumbled over to the couch and huddled in on himself and cried. He stayed like that until his mom walked through the door and joined him on the couch and hugged him. Remus and his dad could be heard arguing still. 

“Why is dad so mean?” 

“I don’t know, mijo.” She said, petting his hair. Roman let himself calm down a little further, though he was still sniffling when he spoke. 

“I just want my brother back, Mama.” His mom sucked in a breath. He heard her sniff and couldn’t bring himself to look at her cry. 

“You will soon, mi príncipe.” She kissed his head and held him close, “I promise.” 

By the end of 8th grade, their parents had gotten a divorce and their mom had gotten full custody of Roman and Remus. The house was a lot quieter without their dad around, and Roman never thought he would enjoy silence so much. Remus still resented his brother and Roman couldn’t blame him, but it still hurt seeing him get a faraway look in his eye, the only look on his face being one of pure fear or pure hatred every time Roman entered a room. 

“Hey, Rem?” Roman opened the door to Remus’s room and poked his head in. Remus looked at him and quickly looked away. Even from the doorway, Roman could see him shaking. 

“What?” Remus spit out. His voice was shaking, with anger or fear Roman couldn’t tell. 

“Mama told me to come get you, dinner is ready.” 

“Ok, now get the fuck out of my room.” Remus said, voice strained. Roman numbly nodded and walked out of his room, closing the door behind him. That was about the only way Remus interacted with him since their dad had left. Roman just wanted to talk to him again, joke around and laugh. Be brothers again instead of whatever they were now.

“Why does Remus hate me?” Roman asked his mom after another quiet dinner. She turned off the sink and faced her son. 

“He doesn’t hate you.”

“It feels like he does.” Roman said, voice quivering. His mom walked over and pulled him into a hug. 

“I think you just remind him of your dad.”

“Am I that bad?”

“No, not in that way, mijo,” She pulled away and cupped his face, “Your dad often used you as an example of how Remus should’ve been. That isn’t your fault, but Remus made a connection between you and your father in his head. Just give him time.” She turned around and continued to do the dishes, leaving Roman to stand in the middle of the kitchen, wondering when the hell he would have his brother back. 

Their mom made the executive decision to put Remus in therapy, which he had tried to get out of but he eventually complied. Dr. Picani would work with Remus to stop him from connecting Roman to his father and therefore his trauma. They worked all throughout freshman year and by the end, Remus had started interacting with Roman again, but he still had his days where even looking at Roman made him angry. Roman was just happy he could even look at him again.

At the start of sophomore year, Remus had a particularly bad day and snapped at Roman during lunch. He walked into 6th period drama with tears streaming down his face. 

“Roman, do you need to sit out for today?” Mr. Sanders asked before class started. Roman looked at him and shook his head.

“Can I just skip warm up?” Roman asked, trying his best to not sob. Mr. Sanders nodded and had him sit in the back of the room; their class was set in a room off to the side of the theatre. Roman sat down in the back of the classroom while everybody else took a seat in the chairs that lined the front. Mr. Sanders started class and after a small warm up let everyone go off in pairs to practice for their scenes. Roman watched as his partner for the scene, Janus, walked over to him. 

“You look miserable.” He said as he slid down the wall to join Roman in sitting on the floor. 

“Can I at least be hot and miserable?” Roman mumbled. 

“You can never not be hot,” Janus said. 

“I appreciate the compliment but I still feel like hot garbage.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Janus asked. 

“It’s stupid.” 

“If you’ve been crying over it, I’m sure it’s not stupid.” Janus spoke gently. 

“How do you know I’ve been crying?” 

“Your eyes are red and puffy, and I can see the tear stains on your face.” Roman scrubbed his hands over his eyes. 

“It’s just my brother,” Roman started, “We have a, uh, complicated history. And he went off on me today, it hasn’t happened in a while so it just, hurt, I guess.” Roman explained. Janus nodded along.

“Did you deserve it?” Janus asked, adding on, “From an objective standpoint.” Roman chuckled a little. 

“You sound like my friend, Logan.” Roman said, “And I really don’t know, kind of?” 

“Explain.” 

“Some stuff happened a couple years ago, and I didn’t help him when he needed it most. It’s been years but I know it still affects him. I think he has a right to be angry.” Janus hummed. 

“This stuff that happened to him, were you the cause of it?” Roman shook his head. “Then he shouldn’t take his anger out on you.” 

“But-”

“Even if you didn’t do anything to help,” Janus interrupted, “I’m sure you had your reasons for it.” 

“I guess. I just,” Roman paused, trying to find his words, “I just miss him.”

“I’m assuming he’s a lot different than before.”

“He’s more defensive, kinda on guard but not always. He gets like that around me at times and it just sucks. He’s my brother and I just want to be able to talk to him without tension building in his shoulders.” Roman said. Janus thought for a moment, then spoke, his tone soft. 

“When I first met my step brother, we didn’t get along at all. He was reserved and built up these walls to protect himself from the unknown, in this case, I was the unknown, the monster under the bed. I had my own walls, and I didn’t make it easy to get along. There was always a tension when both of us were in a room together.

“For the sake of my mom, I started to interact with him. Without getting into detail, I’ll just say his father wasn’t a nice person. I had to learn what I could and couldn’t say, what movements would cause him to back away and which ones were ok. It took time, but eventually we started to get along. He slowly lowered his walls and I lowered mine. Now, I can’t imagine him not being in my life. Having him as a younger brother is one of the best things to happen to me.” Janus smiled and turned his gaze to Roman, “Show him you care and make an effort to understand his needs. I don’t know what happened exactly, but if it’s anything like what happened to V, I understand how hard it is to trust someone, even if it’s your brother. And if it’s a similar situation then I do not blame you for not doing anything, that’s a tough situation to be in.”

Roman stared at Janus in awe. He looked away from him and thought about what he’d said. Roman had made an effort to be there for him, maybe he was going about it wrong. 

“I try my best to be better, but he never tries to see where I’m coming from. We’re different in a lot of ways and he has a hard time understanding that. He’s so himself in such a loud way, I just play it on the safer side, and he doesn’t understand why. My dad was also not kind, and for him to be kinder, I strayed away from being myself, my brother did not. He can’t understand why I let myself do that but I don’t want to bring up a sore subject. I just don’t know what to do.” Roman put his face in his hands, “Sorry this is such a heavy topic.”

“It’s ok, having this kind of conversation is necessary sometimes,” Janus said, “Are you older or younger than him?” 

“We’re twins.” Janus widened his eyes at that.

“I can’t imagine he understands how you can be so different from him, then.” 

“I just am.” Roman said, exacerbated.

“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I believe people get along better if they are fundamentally different. I just think your brother is confused. And angry. The best advice I can give is just be patient with him. Keep putting in the effort, don’t give up on him.” Janus said. Roman nodded. 

“Thanks, Janus.” 

“Of course, we still have half the period, do you want to pretend we’re doing the scene while actually just fucking around?” Roman laughed. 

“Sounds like a plan, Jan.” Janus rolled his eyes at the nickname. 

Roman knew he could never have the old Remus back, no matter how hard he tried. But he didn’t care, because all he wanted was to have his brother, who dragged him into his messes and Roman would go along without a second thought. Eventually, he would have that, but until then he was ok with the days where Remus could look at him, no trace of anger, and just smile. 

**Author's Note:**

> i promise they get better !!! i wanted to write this so that it's easier to understand their relationship throughout the series ! at some point i will write them talking about everything but for now heres this   
> i hope yall have a fantastic day/afternoon/night, drink some water, check in on your friends !  
> tumblr: ssidesblog


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